It's Okay to Cut Ties with Ungrateful People

I received your letter well. Hearing your story about worrying about someone who doesn't show any gratitude reminded me of a time when I had similar concerns. Lady Spring's story is truly unfortunate. Who in the world would like someone irresponsible who doesn't work as much as they are paid? If I were Lady Spring, I would have worked at least as much as I was paid, even if I was busy.

Perhaps others might say that Lady Spring was using her sick son as an excuse to make easy money. If her son was truly sick as she claimed, she would have been busy taking care of him. But Lady Spring neglected your work and opened her own shop, didn't she? It could be a perfect opportunity for misunderstanding, but from your perspective, you might have only seen her using her son as an excuse to neglect your work and satisfy her own desires.

I came across this passage in a book I read today.

Whether it's parents and children, siblings, friends, or colleagues, it's wise to end relationships early with those who don't show gratitude. Nothing in this world is given. People who don't appreciate what they receive drain our energy and erode our lives. That's why we need to diligently check our own give-and-take list.

-Mi-kyung Jeon, No Matter How Well You Treat Them, They Won't Stay by Your Side

Isn't it interesting? Even a psychiatrist author emphasizes the importance of diligently checking your give-and-take list. Actually, I also lived without strictly checking my give-and-take list, just like you. Human relationships sometimes involve giving more and sometimes receiving more. Being too rigid can make you seem uncaring. As you've experienced with Lady Spring, some people take advantage of others' generosity to pursue their own interests. That's why we need our own give-and-take list.

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I understand your concerns. How calculating and unhuman it seems to keep track of give-and-take in relationships. But human relationships become unbalanced when the give-and-take is out of sync, leading to exhaustion on one side. It somehow feels wrong to say such things, and it's particularly difficult to say unpleasant things to others. We've lived with the mindset that it's better to be kind and avoid conflict, and there are various reasons for that.

Besides, Lady Spring was the one who said, "I don't like people who don't show gratitude." She said that because she is the one who doesn't show gratitude. When people feel guilty about something, they often make such a statement first to create a protective shield. It's like they want to portray themselves as someone who understands gratitude while making the other person seem ungrateful.

And you also need to learn to refrain from giving money you don't have to or showing kindness that isn't necessary. Sometimes, appearing a bit uncaring can be a way to protect yourself.

In the future, I hope you become someone who can confidently demand things in your relationships with others. For example, Lady Spring should have done her fair share of work for the money she received. When you saw her not doing her job properly, you had the right to tell her exactly what she needed to do. Or, you could have asked her to return the money. You are the only one who can protect your rights.

It's okay to appear a little uncaring. When it comes to protecting your rights, it's better to be assertive.

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P.S.

You're very curious about the story of the Glasses Doctor, aren't you? I want to tell you, but I'm still organizing my thoughts. Until then, I'll pray for your happiness today.